Dangerous Love Over A Glass Of Wine

Seated on this couch, sipping wine and I’m thinking of them. By them I don’t mean just one person, you’d think that but no, I’m thinking of all the women that I’ve been with that have led me right to this moment, where I am seated all alone in the dark reminiscing over a glass of wine. Would I change anything? No. All the heartbreaks and the laughter, the tears, the breakdowns, I embrace all of them. Trust me you would too if you experienced half the kind of love I have. I used to pray the gay way and if you are from an African household, I know you’ve been there. Now, I love being queer and loving women. I wasn’t born to love men, not in this lifetime and not even in the next. I could tell you all my experiences but we are going to need a whole load of wine. So today I’ll tell you about this particular one, which I call The One That Got Away or Right Person Wrong Timing, I can’t quite decide, so I’ll tell you about ‘X’.

You see everyone has a preference and I prefer mine older than me and they fit right into that criteria. I fell without meaning to. We met as most people do these days, on social media. I saw them in a mutual friend’s story and something in me came alive. I can’t tell you exactly how long I tried to hold back from texting them but trust me it wasn’t an easy task and eventually I slid into their DM in a very subtle way if I may say so myself.

The first time we met in person, I was a hot mess to say the very least. I couldn’t fathom that I was there and they were there in the flesh not just our casual texts and God were they magnificent in person. I remember telling my heart to calm down and I had to take shots of gin for me to even gather the courage to look into her eyes. This was new to me seeing as I had been with men before and truth be told, never felt anything like this. I didn’t want that night to end. We danced and talked and danced some more and every time she touched me, I think I forgot to breathe momentarily. It didn’t matter that there were people all around us, in that moment it was just us enjoying each other’s company.

They weren’t beautiful as per societal standards, they were more than that, ethereal, that’s the word I’d use but it still doesn’t do them justice. They were the kind of beauty people write poetry for. The kind that you’d spend an eternity fighting for, well at least I know I would. The first time I got to see them naked, I was in awe. I couldn’t get enough, hell how could I when all I could think about was how beautiful they were and how much I needed them to ruin me for everyone else. You see the kind of beauty, you can’t describe because there are no words, well that’s just it. Their fingers on my skin felt like they were scorching. I had never experienced anything like this not even with the people I’d been with before. I had earth-shattering orgasms, one after the other. Who knew sex could last so long and still leave you wanting more? I think about it right now and it still sends a chill down my spine. It’s like I can still feel their body on mine, their voice in my ear telling me to cum for them and I would just as instructed.

I still remember the lazy morning, where we’d cuddle in bed talking about everything and anything and laughing like we had no care in the world. With them, I finally discovered what being in love meant. The exact moment I knew they had my heart, is edged in my mind, I’d be damned if I ever forget. We were cooking and I said something that made them laugh, (I’m not even that funny but I’d gladly turn into a comedian just to bask in the sound of their laughter), and at that moment I knew there was no coming back from this, that if we ever broke up my heart would shatter into pieces and a piece of my heart would always belong to her. In that moment I understood what the poets wrote about when they described love, I knew that I was willing to worship the ground they walked on for the rest of my life. If hell is where I was destined to go for loving them, then I’d gladly walk through its gates knowing that I had already experienced heaven by loving them and that would make my heart content.

But there is a danger in loving someone to that extent….